As a psychologist working with teens, I have the kind of unique opportunity to hear and witness up close what being a high schooler nowadays is like. One trend that came up more and more clearly over the years is that many teenagers feel increasing pressure to engage in sexual activity earlier in their high school years. This pressure often comes from peers, sometimes friends, media, and/ or from a desire to meet perceived expectations from other people their age or a few years older. While this can impact all teens, it’s especially challenging for young women, who may feel the weight of these pressures more strongly and most often than not share with me that the idea they had of their “first time” differs significantly from what they had experienced.
A shift I've noticed is how sex is being framed in these formative years. Rather than being seen as an expression of some sort of meaningful, emotionally connected relationship, it is often treated as a physical act with less (little or no) consideration for the relational context. My young clients share stories that reveal just how prevalent this mindset has become, from casual sexual encounters at parties to guys asking around for oral sex at school (I assume only the request is made during school hours).
Granted, not all teens view sex this way, and I certainly approach this topic in a nonjudgment way. I however, do see the pain, disappointment, and regret young teen girls endure as a result of being part of this environment. My goal is to highlight the emotional impact that emerge, especially for girls (but not only restricted to teen girls), when they engage in sex before they’re truly ready or for reasons that aren’t aligned with their values. Alcohol and other substances, such as weed are often part of the picture during parties and social gatherings which further compound the problem.
The Emotional Impact of Casual Sex on Teens, Especially Young Women
Here are some of the common adverse effects teens may experience after engaging in casual sex, particularly when they feel pressured or uncertain:
Feelings of regret and emptiness: Many young women report a sense of emptiness or regret after engaging in casual sex. Instead of feeling closer to the other person, they often feel disconnected and question their decision. Studies indicate that a significant percentage of teens (about 40%) who engaged in sex due to peer pressure later wished they had waited until it felt right for them.
Anxiety over potential pregnancy or sexual transmitted infections (STIs): The physical risks of sexual activity, including unintended pregnancy and STIs, add a layer of stress that lingers long after the sexual encounter is over. Teen girls especially face heightened anxiety around these issues, impacting their emotional well-being.
Difficulty with boundaries and saying no: Many young women, particularly those who are naturally inclined to please others, struggle to assert their boundaries. This can make it challenging for them to say no, even if they’re uncomfortable. They may go along with sexual encounters they don’t fully want, which can harm their self-esteem and self-worth.
A sense of being used or devalued: Teens who engage in casual sex often feel disappointed when the person they were with doesn’t reciprocate any emotional connection. Feeling used or as though the encounter was transactional can be painful, leading to feelings of devaluation.
Social consequences and peer dynamics: When private moments are shared openly with peers (or worse, on social media) by the other, teens feel exposed or humiliated. The emotional aftermath can be profound, leading to feelings of shame, isolation, and social anxiety. They basically want to hide, and not go to school as they know so many people now know of their private sexual lives.
Can you imagine being able to concentrate in Geometry while dealing with these feelings? Extremely hard to say the least.
Some of my clients have confided that they participated in sexual activities simply because it seemed to be the “norm” or because they feared rejection. “It seems to be what kids do at this age”, “my girlfriends encouraged me to,” and “I have heard around that I am the only virgin among my friend group” are reasons some of my regretful lovely young teen girls cite as reasons for saying yes.
For teens navigating these pressures, therapy offers a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore their thoughts and feelings around this topic: what is it that they want? How can they be prepared to withstand the peer pressure (from guys and girls alike) to “just do it” (if waiting is what they truly want to do)? Understanding the social and implicit pressures that may not always be obvious allows teens to make more conscious choices. In therapy, they can reflect on what feels right for them, helping them gain clarity on their boundaries and values.
It’s also worth noting that, while sexual pressure isn’t the primary issue for most teens who come to see me, it often surfaces in our conversations. Whether they need support in making these decisions or in processing feelings of discomfort after a sexual experience that didn’t go as they had hoped, the therapy space is open to offer a safe and nonjudgmental space in which teens can explore any and all feelings.
If you are a teen or a parent of a teen who could benefit from a compassionate, confidential space to discuss and work through these or any other issues, please feel free to reach out. I offer a free 20-minute phone consultation, which you can schedule at calendly.com/drperolini. To read more about my with teens you can check out my page on teen counseling.
Until next time,
Dr. P
