Thanksgiving is just around the corner here in North America. With it comes the decorations in stores, the fall colors, and the many conversations about plans—where we’re going, who’s coming over, or how we’re celebrating. “Turkey Day” takes center stage for most of us, as it’s one of the major holidays in the United States.
Thanksgiving is meant to be a time of gathering and gratitude—a beautiful sentiment if we feel we have reasons to be thankful or can access that emotional state. I know some people say, “There’s always something to be grateful for,” and while that may be true, gratitude can often feel subjective. It really depends on the eyes of the beholder.
If I had just lost my partner of 20 years last month, for instance, gratitude might not feel accessible at all. That’s an extreme example, but we all endure our fair share of pain in life—grief, loss, illness, missed opportunities, divorce, accidents, or even drifting away from people we once held dear. For some, Thanksgiving might even highlight what’s missing. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay if gratitude doesn’t come easily this holiday season. Or if it does not come at all.
You feel the way you feel. There’s no “right” or “wrong” way to experience this holiday.
I’m not suggesting that anyone going through hardship automatically can’t feel thankful. That’s not the case at all. Gratitude is deeply personal. Some may find solace in reflecting on the good in their lives, even amidst challenges. What I’ve noticed in my practice over the years is that many people feel guilty for not being able to connect with gratitude, especially during this season. It’s not that anyone intentionally applies pressure to “be thankful,” but the widespread cheer of the holiday can leave some feeling like they’re falling short.
I’ve sat with patients who were angry, grieving, or feeling betrayed during Thanksgiving season. Their pain was raw—whether they were mourning a loss, dealing with the discovery of infidelity, or navigating a life-altering change (e.g., moving out of state, a recent health diagnosis, so on and so forth). These are the more visible, acute examples.
But sometimes, it’s subtler.
I’ve had patients wrestle with the quiet frustration of feeling stuck, as though life is passing them by and they’re not living up to their potential. For them, Thanksgiving might bring up bittersweet memories or a longing for simpler times—those carefree childhood days when life seemed so much easier.
If you’re not feeling especially thankful this Thanksgiving, I see you. Please know there’s no pressure to feel anything other than what’s real for you. Our emotions are what they are—valid, authentic, and deserving of space.
If you’re finding this season particularly challenging and feel you could benefit from a safe, confidential space to share and process your feelings, I’m here. You can book a free 20-minute phone consultation to see if we’re a good fit to work together at www.calendly.com/drperolini. To read more about my with teens you can check out my pages on anxiety, depression, or trauma.
Until next time,
Dr. P
