There’s a deep and painful emotional experience that can leave someone feeling like they don’t truly exist—the feeling of invisibility. It’s a feeling that arises when others seem to look right through us, as if our presence is inconsequential, unnoticed. We painfully observe how those around us acknowledge others with a word, a gesture, or even a glance, while we remain unrecognized. This experience can be crushing. A part of us might wish to disappear entirely, to retreat to a safe space, away from the embarrassment and rejection. Deep down, the question forms: Why am I not worth being acknowledged? And often, this leads to an even more painful self-inquiry: What is wrong with me?
For many of the teens I work with, this sense of invisibility is not a new feeling. They’ve faced it in social settings time and again. Over time, these repeated experiences can trigger insecurities, self-doubt, and the eventual questioning of their own self-worth. What started as a quiet rejection at school, or in social settings, builds up until they begin to wonder if they are even deserving of acknowledgment. It's a heartbreaking cycle, one that is particularly poignant because these teens often internalize the hurt.
What happens when anger is turned inward?
Sigmund Freud, in his theory of depression, suggested that when anger isn’t outwardly expressed, it turns inward. This inward turn can result in self-blame, and I see this so often in in my work with teens and young adults. Instead of expressing frustration or hurt toward those who have excluded or ignored them, they turn that blame on themselves. What did I do wrong? Why don’t people see me? They ask themselves over and over. They become their own harshest critics.
Over time, these teens develop an intense gratitude toward anyone who notices them. A simple act of acknowledgment—a smile, a kind word, or a small gesture of kindness—can have an outsized emotional impact. Many of my patients have shared how deeply moved they’ve been by small acts of generosity. One of my patients almost became tearful when someone offered to lend them a few dollars for lunch when they had forgotten theirs. Another was overwhelmed by the kindness of a classmate who gave them a welcoming look at the lunch table, a signal that they were allowed to sit beside them. What seems like a simple interaction to some can be huge to those who feel invisible. These acts validate their existence. I am worth something, they think. I matter, if only for a moment.
Seeking connection
These experiences, while painful, speak to the basic human need for connection. When teens feel invisible, it isn’t just a matter of not being seen—it’s a matter of feeling like they don’t exist in the minds of others. It can be a tragedy when this feeling of being unseen begins to shape their self-perception, especially in a world where acknowledgment is so crucial to developing self-esteem and confidence.
Unfortunately, this cycle of invisibility can become self-perpetuating. The more these teens feel unseen, the more they internalize it, believing it’s a reflection of their own worth. Over time, they lose confidence, and their ability to connect with others begins to deteriorate. The cycle continues: the more they feel isolated, the harder it becomes to break free. Without intervention, this can lead to a deepening sense of loneliness and despair.
How can therapy help?
This is where therapy can play a crucial role. The therapeutic space is a place where teens can feel seen, accepted, and cared for, often for the first time in a long time. Therapy allows them to voice their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and emotions without fear of judgment. In this space, the therapeutic relationship itself becomes a model for what healthy, validating connections can look like. It provides a safe space for clients to feel understood, to experience empathy, and to process their feelings.
Therapy helps soften the harsh internal voice that many of these teens/ young adult develop, the one that tells them they’re not good enough or that they deserve to be invisible. Over time, this internal dialogue shifts, allowing clients to treat themselves with greater care and empathy. Through insight and increased self-awareness, they begin to see that they are worthy of being seen and heard. This can be a healing process, one that allows them to recognize their inherent worth, independent of others' opinions.
A stronger sense of self
As teens begin to develop this newfound self-compassion, they gain the strength to navigate future encounters with more resilience. Rather than internalizing the pain of being dismissed or ignored, they can reflect on how they want to respond. They become empowered to choose their reactions—whether it’s deciding to voice how something made them feel, or simply letting go of others’ judgments and focusing on their own sense of self.
Ultimately, therapy fosters a deeper trust in oneself. It encourages individuals to be mindful of their own experiences and over time it is not uncommon for clients to be less impacted by how others perceive them. Therapy offers the tools to help them feel more at ease in their authentic selves, reducing the power that feelings of invisibility once held over them. It provides a space where they can process these emotions, regain their sense of worth, and begin to trust in themselves again. With time and support, these young individuals can reclaim their confidence and feel empowered in their own authenticity.
If you as a young adult, or your teen struggles with having felt invisible, I invite you to reach out by scheduling a free 20-minute phone consultation at calendly.com/drperolini today. We can explore whether therapy may be a right fit to address these feelings so that they don’t further undermine your confidence and self-esteem.
To read more about my work you can visit https://drperolini.com/teen-counseling.
To reconnecting & healing in the process,
Dr. P
