Most of us have some familiarity with the potential benefits of daily meditation, or the practice of devoting a certain period of time each day to quiet our minds of the constant stream of thoughts that each of us experience almost every minute of our waking day.
There are so many resources available to us about the different kinds of meditation practices that exist and that are potentially beneficial. Sound meditations, silent meditations, meditations in which we are encouraged to repeat a “mantra,” mindfulness meditations, walking meditations—the list is virtually endless.
What is more, thousands of scientific articles speak about the wonders that meditation can bring about. Benefits to our emotional well-being, such as lower rates of depression or anxiety, to our physical well-being, such as improved immune function, and also cognitive benefits, such as improved ability to focus and to ignore distractions. And we probably could go on and on.
So, I have often wondered… if, generally speaking, as a population, we have become more savvy about the potential benefits of meditation, and we also have more access than ever before to learning about different kinds of meditation practices that are available--
THEN,
Why is it so amazingly hard for many of us to maintain a meditation practice alive....
to let it grow over time, to nurture it, to fall in love with it and its benefits?
Here are my thoughts about it—
As Dr. Kabat-Zinn put it, meditation may be “simple”, but it is certainly not “easy.” Even though inviting our mind to quiet down may seem like a relatively simple, innocuous thing to do, it turns out it is often not. We are used to experience thought after thought after thought flowing through our stream of consciousness and when we try to alter this rhythm, it seems as if, in the beginning, our mind and heart protest, they rebel—it often feels uncomfortable, awkward, or odd; physical sensations may become more salient and catch our attention, or our mind may wander and we may realize that thoughts or ideas that were otherwise dormant or not the center of attention just “pop” in our minds. This, coupled with the consistent time investment required to meditate, seem to be for many of us insurmountable barriers.
The open, clear, allowing space meditation often wants to nurture seems to run counter to the usual rhythm of thought after thought after thought that we “live in” most of the time. And, paradoxically, in some way, that very same “hectic” rhythm of thought after thought seem to play a “protective” role in the short term—it takes our attention away from more difficult thoughts and feelings and keeps our attention in daily, practical issues (such as, what are we having for dinner tonight?) or other similarly innocuous matters.
Partially addressing this, some meditation practices offer the alternative of being in some way “active” during the meditation space, such as walking meditations. This seems to engage our body in a way that, for some people, makes the difference between being able to keep up the practice and not.
As a psychologist, an interesting question I have pondered on is the following-- how is talk therapy similar in some respects to meditation (perhaps in the aspects we want to nurture) and different in a way that may actually allow people (who have a hard time meditating) reap some of the benefits of meditation?
After much thought, this is what I came up with:
These are a few of the aspects that I believe therapy and meditation have in common:
1. Both are gifts you give to yourself that consists of time dedicated specifically and exclusively for you. And when we engage in either, it is a way of taking a stance about ourselves, almost like (silently) stating: we are worthy of certain amount of time dedicated exclusively to ourselves in which, for the most part, we are not “doing” or trying to “accomplish” anything. This mindset in and of itself seem to be very powerful.
2. Both meditation and therapy are processes that foster our ability to be more emotionally present and less judgmental toward ourselves and our circumstances. Both nurture our ability to maintain an open stance and a sense of being firmly grounded, centered, and in balance.
3. Both, over time, tend to strengthen our relationship with ourselves, and our ability to withstand or tolerate difficult feelings or emotions. We tend to become more resilient as a result of these practices.
4. Both, generally speaking, have as a by-product that we may become less impulsive, less reactive, calmer, and more empathic.
5. In both, the relationship with ourselves may start to change. This is key because, as I see it, our relationship with ourselves is probably the most crucial filter through which the rest of our relationships, emotions, feelings, and thoughts go through and that, to a great extent, determine their meaning and impact upon us.
And of course, significant differences are:
1. Therapy is a two—or more—person enterprise. Therapy consists of a relationship that hopefully strengthens over time and serves as the context and the invitation for the therapeutic work. A strong therapeutic relationship provides hope that no matter how difficult things are, there is a space open for us to become acquainted with all of our feelings and thoughts in a place where we will be listened to without judgment and without an agenda. Intense, highly charged emotions are very hard to process on our own and often the benefit of a strong therapeutic relationship is a key factor in being able to access, manage, and contain strong emotions.
2. Therapy provides a frame that delineates the parameters that will characterize the therapeutic relationship—we meet in a certain place, at a certain time, for certain predetermined amount of time, for a certain fee. This frame is a critical factor that sustains the therapeutic work, increasing the likelihood that the therapeutic work is effective.
3. Meditation generally promotes quieting the stream of thoughts that we have in our mind, whereas therapy is generally used to become more in touch with any and all of the thoughts and feelings that are present in our minds.
This is a simplified, short, not exhaustive list of ways in which these practices are alike and different. I do not imply, of course, that therapy and meditation aim to serve the same purposes or that one is better than the other. We know from the research that both can have a significant positive impact in our experience of life.
My intention through this writing is to share my view about some of the similarities and key differences between these two powerful processes and to perhaps sparkle some interest in the therapeutic process in those of you who would like to reap some of the benefits described earlier but find it hard or impossible at this time in your lives to engage in a meditation practice (whatever the reason may be.) It is worth noting that meditation and therapy are not mutually exclusive and many people who engage in both reap complementary benefits of these practices.
Wishing you success and peace,
Dr. Perolini
You can learn more about my work in the area of anxiety at https://drperolini.com/anxiety-counseling and in the area of depression at https://drperolini.com/depression-counseling
Click here to learn more about what therapy with Dr. Claudia Perolini, Licensed Psychologist, looks like.
Claudia Perolini, PhD is a psychologist in person in Weston, Florida and virtually throughout 40 states of the Unites States. She specializes in helping adults and adolescents who are struggling with anxiety, depression, or the effects of trauma live fuller and more rewarding lives.
Dr. Perolini enjoys writing on her blog about issues that she believes may be of interest to individuals who are curious about life, and interested in topics that may provide them with valuable knowledge or insight about this journey that we are all in: LIFE.
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