In the whirlwind of modern life, it's easy to get caught up in the constant motion, deadlines, and responsibilities without pausing to reflect on the path we're on. Yet, within the chaos lies a crucial question that often goes unasked until it's too late: Will the life we're living today bring a smile to our 85-year-old wrinkled face, should we be fortunate enough to reach that age?
As a psychologist working from an approach rooted in psychodynamic, attachment, and existential thought, this question forms the cornerstone of my work and personal philosophy. The journey of minimizing regrets begins with the art of reflection—a practice often overshadowed by the urgency of daily demands but one that holds the key to living a life aligned with our deepest values and aspirations.
Reflection, however, isn't a substitute for action. It's a catalyst that propels us towards purposeful action, guided by our desires, interests, and values. Therapy, in this context, serves as a supportive space where reflection blossoms into self-awareness, steering us to make choices that resonate with our authentic selves.
In the therapeutic journey, there's no room for judgment. Instead, there's a gentle invitation to explore how we are living our lives, how we would like to live our lives and assess whether these are aligned or maybe less so. This introspection may reveal areas where adjustments would be welcomed—opportunities to course-correct and craft a life that feels genuinely rich and meaningful.
This powerful quote may seem a bit extreme, though I certainly feel it it worth reflecting on - pun intended :)
“The unexamined life is not worth living” ”
This is precisely the work that therapy affords us to do- one in which we can examine our lives at a profound level. The good thing is that there is never pressure to do so. What lies implicitly is the invitation to engage in this way.
Over my years in practice, I've witnessed profound transformations sparked by the introspective work of therapy. Patients have bravely pursued relocation to nurture family bonds or chase career dreams that ignite their souls. Some have traded financial security for a life with a better work-life balance, aligning their professional pursuits with their core values.
Yet, the shifts aren't always grand gestures visible to the world. Therapy's impact often lies in the subtleties—the rekindling of vulnerability in individuals accustomed to being stoic pillars for others, the exploration of unaddressed grief, or/ and the integration of fragmented aspects of the self.
Therapy isn't about dwelling in pain (as sometimes people portray it to be); it's about embracing emotions, even the uncomfortable ones, with compassion and understanding. By shining a light on “suppressed” feelings, or feelings or experiences that consciously we would like to leave to the side, (or even better, forget) we reclaim our agency and diminish their power over us.
Avoidance, after all, inadvertently amplifies what we seek to evade.
As a therapist, I see my role as a guide through this journey of self-discovery and growth. Week after week, therapy cultivates a deeper understanding of our inner life, empowering us to make choices that align with our true selves.
In the pursuit of a life with fewer regrets, reflection and therapy emerge as indispensable tools. They invite us to gaze into the mirror of our existence, navigate our emotions with grace, and ultimately, live a life of purpose and authenticity.
Cheers to walking this path of life in very intentional ways,
Dr. P
