Have you ever felt this way?
kind of having lost direction and purpose for a while? if so, you are not alone.
I have often heard a version of this story—
You have worked hard over the years at whatever was in front of you. You did the studying, or fulfilled the work responsibilities. If you work outside the home, you were a diligent employee. You did the extra mile. You were trustworthy and reliable. You had so many dreams that as you grew and evolved professionally you would also feel more whole, more satisfied, more fulfilled in life in general.
With adulthood came growing responsibilities that you often embraced and did your best job navigating. Some of you navigated romantic relationships, maybe marriage, and even kids. Your world is full. Full of life, full of tasks and responsibilities that you are ok with yet sometimes wish things could slow down a bit so that you could reconnect with yourself, and maybe figure out what is missing.
Under all external standards, you are a success.
You have done well for yourself and a part of you is satisfied and even proud of that. Yet there is another part of you that over the years have felt a growing void, a lack of clear purpose, a blur in response to the question, ‘Where do I go from here?’
With so many responsibilities and things that need to get done every day, there is hardly any time to sit and make a space for what you deep down are experiencing. Or what you may be needing.
As we evolve as adults, and see decades go by, what we need to feel fulfilled also may change. Yet too often we continue forward with the same routines, same activities, same lifestyle, similar goals and what initially was a “small void” that from time to time we felt becomes stronger and bigger.
For those of you who are parents, I know it may be easier and more acceptable to spend time and money in our kids than in ourselves. Sometimes we feel we already had “our chance.” We already were “young” and had our time to figure out things. Now it is their turn. And we want to support them, investing our time and money in them.
As a psychologist who works with teens and adults (and love my work with both), I wholeheartedly appreciate and know that our children, be it younger kids or teens, need our presence, our support, our emotional containment. I 100 percent support that.
I also know that, if we as parents are starting to feel drained, depleted, even a bit lost in terms of what direction our lives are going, that that also deserves to be attended to.
Not only because we as individuals, regardless whether we are parents or not, deserve time and attention to figure out whatever may be impacting us emotionally.
But also because if we are parents, the better that we feel ourselves, the best parenting we can provide. The more present that we can be with our children. The more emotionally available we can be.
It makes sense, right?
If we are preoccupied with our own dissatisfaction or with our past unresolved experiences that need attention and healing, the less emotional space we are going to have to support our children in their path.
Feeling a lack of clarity, purpose, and meaning in life as years go by is not uncommon. Perhaps what kept us busy and engaged earlier on in our life, let’s say during our 20s or even 30s is not the same we need later on to fill fulfilled and truly alive.
Yet this does not need to be the “new normal” for you.
You do not have to settle into believing that this is just how life is going be from now on. Struggling to find some motivation, more energy, or some excitement as you see others around you seemingly “thrive.”
You sure are living proof that, for some of us, fulfillment in our “roles,” such as the role of a parent, or of the employee, or really any role that we may have in our lives, personally or professionally, does not automatically mean we are going to be genuinely fulfilled and connected with our purpose.
The quest for making meaning out of our own life situations is present at our core. We may feel this compelling desire to figure out what will facilitate a sense of peace and fulfillment in this particular stage of our life. Sometimes we deny it to ourselves because we do not feel we are worth it, or we doubt that we deserve to deliberately invest in our own growth or process.
This famous quote from Socrates captures what I am referring to here—
““The unexamined life is not worth living” ”
And even though it feels pretty strong the “not worth living” part, I have to say I identify with the profound benefits of setting some time aside to “examine” our lives and ourselves vis-à-vis our own life, which the process that unfolds in therapy.
My patients tell me they often feel guilt or even a sense of selfishness at the idea of carving out time and investing money in figuring out what is not working for them. All these feelings, when given the time and attention, may fall into place, and a new kind of understanding may emerge during the therapeutic process.
An understanding that may allow you, over time, to be more of the “author” of your own life, as opposed as being “only” the main character.
If you have been feeling in the ways that I described above, perhaps lacking the motivation that used to characterize you, perhaps feeling down or drained, perhaps constantly tired, I am here to help. You can start by scheduling a free 20-minute consultation at the end of this page to see if we are a good fit. I truly look forward to speaking with you.
Wishing you fulfillment and inner peace,
Dr. P
You can learn more about my work with depression at drperolini.com/depression-counseling
Click here to learn more about what therapy with Dr. Claudia Perolini, Licensed Psychologist, looks like.
Claudia Perolini, PhD is a psychologist in person in Weston, Florida and virtually throughout 40 states of the Unites States. She specializes in helping adults and adolescents who are struggling with anxiety, depression, or the effects of trauma live fuller and more rewarding lives.
Dr. Perolini enjoys writing on her blog about issues that she believes may be of interest to individuals who are curious about life, and interested in topics that may provide them with valuable knowledge or insight about this journey that we are all in: LIFE.
